I have spent the last half of this year in a tattoo shop. Those that know me would know that I am currently in the process of finishing a large piece on my back: a plague doctor (ironic, though not intended) to symbolize courage and kindness.

About every three weeks, I have intentionally and knowingly gone to see an artist who will inflict physical pain on me – and get paid to do so. I remove enough clothing to expose the needed skin, climb up on the chair and lay face down, making myself vulnerable to this injury. And it hurts. I sit as still as possible for around 4 hours all while I am experiencing this very real pain. She then cleans and covers my wound and I give her a good chunk of money before I leave. We wish each other well until next time, because we both know there will be a next time. I still have one more scheduled session to get through.

This is not to say that tattoos are scary. (I highly recommend them if you wish to express yourself this way!) They certainly don’t tickle, but they do provide a great opportunity for more than just art.

My time in that chair is an investment in myself. I am putting in money and effort into making my body more of myself, but I am also committing to a ritual dedicated to reflection. It is meditative. While I am enduring the discomfort of a needle placing ink under my skin, I am reminding myself that the pain is temporary. Breathe in. Breathe out. I feel it in this moment, but this moment is not forever.

Everything is temporary.

Even the tattoo “permanently” adorning my body will come to fade and decay with my skin when I’m gone.

This simple recognition has proved to be a great gift. I know that I can get through difficult times because I know that they will end. Do the thing, it will pass with the time. I just have to get through the “now” and I will be on the other side of it. It will, eventually, be put behind me. To borrow from my upbringing: “this too shall pass.”

Every moment we live through is fleeting – this is what gives them such worth. And that is why it is so incredibly important to be present for all of them, positive or not. Though I know the process will hurt and the bright colors of my tattoo will fade, I value them and the art they make right now. I am grateful for the opportunity to decorate my body in a way that allows me to express the personality inside it. I am willing to endure physical pain to have something meaningful to take with me going forward, when there will be more times of ease in which I can also find joy.

How often we trade times of hurt for times of beauty. The hours of discomfort in the tattoo chair will leave me with art that will be there for the rest of my life.

And what a demonstration of contrast tattoos provide – the comments of “You know those are permanent, right?” and the knowledge that it too will fade with time, requiring more pain to maintain it. The toiling we do in other aspects of our lives often also leaves us with invaluable gifts.

Whether its getting a tattoo, going through the struggles of modern dating in order to find the companionship you seek, or making sacrifices during the holidays to keep those around you safe in a pandemic, these moments of pain have their meaning. And they will all come to an end.

Contrast gives definition to color both in life and in art. No matter the tone of your current reality, I hope that you are able to savor the beauty of it in the present. Find joy in the pleasures of the holidays where you can and know that any less than ideal circumstances you face will come to an end in time. Happiness may be fleeting, but so is sorrow. Both provide meaning to life and are worthy of being present for.

2020 has been a dumpster fire of a year and we all know it. But even dumpster fires provide heat and light. Find the good where you can, grin and bear it where you can’t, and know that we will make it to the other side of this in time. Hopefully with something as beautiful and meaningful, something as worth the pain and investment, as a tattoo we will wear from here on out.

Ashes Bardole is my tattoo artist. See more of her work over at http://www.ashesbardole.com