The holidays have come and gone, hopefully a time of peace and contentment for you and your loved ones. But the last (and first) holiday to come and go every year is the turning of the calendar. New Year’s. Even with all the pressure, stress, and worry that comes from Christmas, I still think New Year’s is worse. 

The transition from 2020 to 2021 was more than writing the wrong year on my work assignments for an embarrassing amount of time. It was a time that marked milestones, anniversaries and new beginnings – both good and bad – and a time of great reflection for me.

As I corrected my report (once again) to reflect the new year of 2021, a coworker messaged me and jokingly observed how her streaming services were now overwhelmingly dominated with advertisements for health and fitness. “Buy your wife a Peloton, she’ll love you for it” and themes of how being thin will increase your worth, lose 20 pounds in 20 days with our questionable pre-packaged foods. I had seen them all interrupt my favorite shows too. The pressure to change myself physically, financially or otherwise playing between the segments of content I was really seeking when turning on the TV.

This goes way beyond our televisions. Back to this in a moment.

The next thing that coworker asked was if I had made any New Year’s Resolutions. I paused for a moment, realized that I had not consciously done so, and told her no. I hadn’t. An honest response to an honest question. Most people make those concrete goals of number of pounds lost, number of dollars saved, percentage of debt erased. While I suppose I have some personal objectives along those lines, I haven’t made them my precise target in a long time. 

Back to those commercial interruptions, the ones that break up the stories we actually want to see. Goals based in shame do the same to the narratives of our lives. How often do we find our times of joy abruptly punctuated with feelings of inadequacy or doubt? Coming in at just the worst times to ruin the moment, keep us waiting with bated breath for what will happen on the return?

Those moments of unhappiness with ourselves, our bodies, our wealth, are still valuable because they can teach us quite a bit. But we have to trace them back to where they come from and how they displace opportunities for happiness. Are we unhappy because we could lose another 5 pounds? 10 pounds? Are we suffering because we don’t have the big house and shiny car we really want? Are the numbers on our scale or credit card statements too high? 

Why do these things have to dictate whether or not you can experience joy right now? And why are these the transformations we feel we need to make in order to be happy?

As the first month of the year wraps up and you begin to take some measurement of your progress, ask yourself if you’re putting your happiness on hold. It will sound a lot like, “I’ll like myself better when I am 20 pounds lighter” or “I think I will be much more content with a new car.” Be mindful of this and the joy you might be robbing yourself of in the present. Are you placing unnecessary conditions on your state of mind? Are we waiting for these conditions to be met before we really allow ourselves to experience contentment?

The right now is fleeting and you deserve to be happy in it, regardless of how much you weigh or what you drive. This is a reminder to you and myself from me. 

About a week passed following that conversation with my coworker and I gave more deliberate reflection to those New Year’s Resolutions I hadn’t made. I did outline some intentions for myself toward the end of 2020, though not in such an explicit manner, that took a much different approach to goal-setting than the traditional resolution. (These were a great catalyst to the beginning of this blog!)  I came back to that coworker and explained what I wanted out of 2021, then wrote them down. She commented on how I had mentioned something that I wanted to change in myself – not just things in the periphery of my life, but the core of it. 

And here we are. The real inspiration for this post. Sometimes work is good for more than just a paycheck.

Here are my 2021 resolutions, so we can perhaps keep each other accountable:

1. Practice more mindfulness.
2. Be present in the moment.
3. Find happiness where I’m at.
4. Be more empathetic towards myself and others.
5. Continue to foster meaningful and rewarding relationships.
6. Be adventurous.
7. Create opportunity.
8. Let go.
9. Do more with less.
10. Be vulnerable. 

As I was writing these down for myself, I focused on the question:

• What kind of person do you want to be?

To the exclusion of the following questions:

• How much do you want to weigh?
• How much do you want to owe?
• Where do you want to go?
• What items do you want in your life?

These things don’t define us any more than we let them. I’m choosing to give them limited power. Personally, I think I am more than my apartment, my car, or a number on scale. I am a partner, daughter, sister… who is smart and kind and funny and wants to continue going in the right direction as she heads into the new year. 

Measurements that cannot be taken with a scale or financial projection. 

I will extend the same question to you – what kind of person do you want to be in 2021? How will you measure your progress?

More on resolution #10 next time.